Divya Venkat Sridhar
diwali
but if i squint
this plastic IKEA tealight will sting
like lime pickle
on the tip of my tongue
char my lips
like tamarind in sambar
press wisps of smoke between
my thumb and index finger
like appa’s cigarette under the sofa
if i blink hard
the diya will gutter
like amma’s voice
when she talks about her father
and weave a tapestry
over this night
that freezes up
and melts onto my palms
when i squint
i pour the ghee
until my lips burst into
bunches of brown flesh
and burn in some
language i do not know
i touch the flame
and it tells me i am a liar
a fly falls into my milk
because you worry
your palms will chew up lamplight
and wear it like a cicada’s husk
tethering you to soil. they told you
better to slip into the sun.
because you find yourself
standing knee-deep in a muddy ditch,
a denseness pretending to
envelop yourself in a full moon. because
you wish to be formless, flawless,
slither beyond shadow like sun chews
the gooseberry leaves.
you morph from bed sheets to turmeric to
whitening cream,
body membrane unhinging
from skeleton melting
wings dripping sticky in white hot nectar
because you look like clouds
eternal like the space between
a thunderclap and echo.
you drown, but it feels like flying.